The Heiress
by ElectraSound-WaveDancer
Summary: With the game won and a new universe to call home, Dirk and Jane take comfort in a more romantic relationship, but can it survive under the weight of Jane's responsibilities? Can Dirk cope with living in this alternate lifestyle he's only ever read about?
1. Chapter 1: Three Months

Chapter One: Three Months

Three Months. You couldn't believe it. How had it been three months already? It still felt like yesterday you and your friends were face to face with evil sea-hitlers and demonic aliens and flying around without a care for the laws of physics. Even more unbelievable was how you ever fell in love with _him_.

It was funny how natural it all seemed, him laying his head in your lap, tinkering away at some new contraption. That crooked smile of his could melt your heart to butter (and he knew it), and every now and again you could just make out his eyes tracing your face through those dark, dorky, anime shades he loved so much. Three months since the two of you vowed to rebuild your friendship and become even closer after the "Great Jake Fiasco". Two months and three weeks since you succeeded a little _too_ well and began the oddest courtship in the history of paradox space.

A smart girl, a normal girl, even a girl with nothing but good sense would have just said, "no" to being asked out by an avalanche of smuppets, would have run for the hills, but you were already far too gone. Besides being the most (if at times unorthodox) romantic guy you've ever known, he made you laugh. A lot. He loved your baking despite his distaste for anything Betty Crocker, embraced your mustache obsession, and developed so many ironic inside jokes, you can't _not_ laugh at apple juice, anymore. And sure he had a weird passion for puppets and portraits of masculine horse nudity, but you never claimed he was perfect.

Just as your mind began to wander further down this topic, a sudden chill to your thighs brought you back to reality.

"Hey, Jane, you wouldn't happen to have any uranium lying around, would 'ya?" You didn't really answer, just sort of hummed a "no", and let him pace around your bedroom floor. He always got into a mood when he worked on his machines. Even if you did try and have a discussion on the ridiculousness of you having uranium in your house, it would only end up being one-sided. You didn't mind. It was nice watching him work so passionately. After a moment of disgruntled musing, he returned to your lap, rubbing the bridge of his nose where his glasses sat. Combing through his light blonde hair with your fingers listlessly, you're reminded of why you asked him over in the first place. Your eyes dart to your desk and the ornamentally decorated envelope sitting on it. You really should try and bring it up.

You should, but you chicken out at the last minute and continue to soak in this moment a little bit longer. The hours roll by and the two of you somehow got on the topic of the impracticality of (and utter ridiculousness of) ectobiology for the purpose of making a new breed of smuppet when your dad announced that it was probably time for Dirk to go home.

Not fifteen minutes after he's out the door, one of your chums started pestering you.

TG: well?

GG: ...

GG: Well…

TG: jane pls tell me u ddi NOT do the thing

TG: *did

GG: …

GG: ….

TG: jaaaaaannnnneeeeeeee

GG: I'm sorry!

GG: It's a lot harder than I thought it was going to be.

TG: Its not like ur asking hm for a kidney janey

TG: wahts the worst that can happen even?

GG: He's made it very clear he doesn't like these sort of things, though.

GG: You heard him. He called it,

GG: TT: A gathering of stuck-up, bureaucrats and their self-entitled children in the worlds most disgusting verbal orgies and political double reach arounds.

TG: yeah but only cause it is

TG: w the acception bein you of course

TG: u still should ask him

GG: Hmmmm.

GG: I'll think about it.

And with that, you signed off and went to bed. Roxy never dropped it, though, and you knew she was right. What was the worst that could happen? He would still be your boyfriend, right? But you still felt bad about asking him to do something like this. He'd always been honest with you about how he felt (mostly in part because of your newly developed, deep fear of mind games and being manipulated again), and this was a pretty big one on the "No" list.


	2. Chapter 2: ask that boi out

Chapter Two: ask that boi out

Another two days rolled by and Roxy was not having any of this sheepish nonsense anymore. She invited you to a sleepover at her place; "just us grls," she pestered. Something told you this wasn't just another one of her usual Lalonde party extravaganzas, but it was just a sleepover. What could possibly go wrong, right? Wrong. Very, very wrong.

The usual group was there; Roxy, of course, Calliope, Rose, Jade, Kanaya, Terezi, Aradia, and… wait, what was Karkat doing here? Rose said he was there for emotional support. You weren't quite sure what that meant but you chose not to question it. You didn't really mind, you guessed? You mean, according to Calliope, gender really wasn't a big deal with trolls? It did kinda make you even more suspicious about the real purpose of this meeting, though. Why would you need emotional support?

The night started off with the usual games and karaoke and progressed into a fashion show of sorts. It seemed perfectly harmless to you and you had let your guard down a bit. A bit, but not fully. Rose and Kanaya seemed a bit too prepared with this impromptu addition to the evening. As fun as it was watching everyone get dolled up and ready for some random event you all scrawled on scraps of paper and threw into a fedora, you couldn't help but feel as if Roxy's oh-so convenient hot pink event-note was being specifically avoided for your benefit, but chose again to ignore it because this was a sleepover and you were supposed to be having fun, right? Your suspicions were, of course, correct. You were the last one to get a Lalonde-Maryam makeover and your event of not-so-random was… the Betty Crocker Annual Charity Gala.

What? Before you could protest, Kanaya had you on your feet and was dragging you back into the other room they had designated into the changing room. Good-bye, sweatpants. Sayounara, baggy t-shirt. Hello, blood-red evening gown with white accents and belt. Make-up? Why not? Shoes? How high? "To the sun and back." Rose and Kanaya laughed as they pranced around the room looking for all the "little details" they had tucked away earlier. Of course, this was an ambush. How could you not have seen this coming? Roxy had been blowing up your pesterlogs all week and suddenly nothing all day? You fumed silently as the two enjoyed their momentary victory. At least, until you were handed a red clutch with a suspiciously familiar envelope sticking out.

"You went to my house?" you asked horrified as to exactly how far this was going to go. "Only for a moment," Roxy added, grinning in the doorway. Admiring her work, no doubt. But there was something in her hand. Was that a power cord? Why would she need a power cord? As if reading your mind, Terezi nodded to Roxy with that mischievous grin of hers and the next thing you recall was falling.

It seemed like forever before you got to the other end of the fenestrated wall. It took you longer than it should have to realize where you were. If the smell of motor oil and fresh cut metal didn't give it away, the sound of running water should have. This was Dirk's apartment. You were in Dirk's apartment. Why were you in Dirk's apartment? You tried to run back through the fenestrated wall, but you could just guess who was behind appearifing that bad boy all the way back to New York.

You whipped out your phone.

GG: This isn't funny, Roxy.

TG: its not supposed to be janey :3

TG: u can come back wen u ask that boi out

GG: Roxy! :B

The sun hadn't completely gone down in this time zone and you could still find your way around the room, but you had never been more grateful for Dirk's excessively long showering habits. You fumbled over a few hats and smuppets trying to feel your way to the door- er wardrobifier. You kept forgetting that thing was the only way out of here. Maybe you could just sneak out before he noticed. If you remembered correctly, there was a transportalizer on the roof that connected to LoCaH. From there you'd figure out the rest. But just as you were getting ready to make a dash for it, the running water stopped.

No. No, no, no, no, no! Not now. Not right now. Why did Roxy have to send you to Dirk's apartment, now? Why did he have to choose now to take the worlds shortest shower? Everything was spinning wildly out of your control. How on earth were you going to explain this, all of this, to him? Would he freak out or just laugh. Both seemed pretty awful in their own right. You tried Roxy, again.

GG: Roxy, please! I can't do this.

TG: ys u can jan

TG: *jane

TG: and dont even try escapin

TG: or iwk

GG: …!

TG: why r you so affraid of askin him anyways?

GG: Roxy, please, please, please, please, please!

GG: He'll be back here any


	3. Chapter 3: The L Word

Chapter Three: The "L" Word

Red. That was the first thing you thought as the wardrobifier opened up to your room. It was then followed by "hot" and the repetitive phrase "don't get a boner." You tossed that out of your mind as quickly as you could and focused solely on the fact that Jane was standing in the middle of your room wearing a very form fitting dress and heels (both things you've never seen her wear before) and an adorable pout and look of sheer terror on her face. It didn't take long to figure out what had happened.

You tried your best not to laugh and just asked, "Roxy?" She was already turning the same shade of red as her dress when she nodded, avoiding your eyes. You really did try not to, but it kind of just… slipped. You could see she was completely mortified and you felt a little bad after words, but you just couldn't help laughing a bit.

It was hard not doing a lot of things around Jane. She had to be one of the few people in the world that you felt completely at ease with. It didn't even bother you that your eyes weren't hidden away behind your sunglasses, sitting halfway across the room, or that your entire room was on display right in front of her. She knew about all of it, already, and she just accepted it, and if she judged you for it, she did so silently. All though you would never say as much, the truth was, it was just so much easier to be around Jane than anyone else. She knew things even Jake didn't know about you and you dated him for almost half a year. You loved how you didn't have to be all put together and on top of every little thing and she still loved you for it. That you could make mistakes just like everyone else and she'd never think any less of you. You could be wrong almost 99.9% of the time (you weren't, though) and you'd still be her prince charming.

You loved her.

Wait. What? Where did that come from? You mean, sure, you would spend hours lying awake thinking about her, and how the two of you ever got so caught up in Jake that you almost lost each other completely, and how when she talked about how Crocker Corp. was going to be different when she took over, she had just this amazing glo-… Oh.

Yeah, no, you were in love with her. But, maybe now wasn't the best time to be thinking about this? She was kind of going into a self-contained panic and she really needed you to be on the same page as her, right now. You wanted to just pull her in and hug her. You wanted to, but that would have been highly ill-advised, seeing how it only just came to your attention that you were only wearing a towel. You re-adjusted your wardrobifier and fixed that easily enough. Instead, you tried asking her what it was this time. Nothing. You thought that maybe Roxy would be a greater help out loud. Jane absolutely abjured the world out of that idea. She then apologized and promised to buy you a new iPhone.

As she apologized, you noticed her trying to tuck her purse under your bed with her foot. You picked it up and opened it. She never saw it coming and was beginning to warn you against seeing inside, but it was already too late.

In big, bold, red letters were the words Betty Crocker. A chill ran down your spine. As much as you loved Jane (which apparently was more than you originally thought), you hated her family's company just as much. Even after killing that batter-witch, you still couldn't bring yourself to trust it. This wasn't the same world you left behind, you knew that, but some old habits never really die. The only time you even thought about Crocker Corp. was when you were with Jane. She made even the worst sugary concoction of that disgusting company taste like pure gold. (Okay, but you really have got to figure out your emotions later with lil' Hal, because this sappy, mushy thing is starting to get a little out of hand.)

You must have been staring at it for some time because Jane was able to pry it from your fingers. She wasn't looking at you, her arms were crossed trying to hide the envelope from you. You could see this, whatever this was, was something pretty important. More importantly, Jane thought it was important. The guilt started to overtake you. You tried to compose yourself and play it off like it was nothing, a task you mastered years ago, and smiled.

"What is it?" She wasn't falling for it. You tossed her a little in the air and into your arms, cradling her, before sitting down on your bed. She wasn't going anywhere. You knew it, she knew it, but it didn't stop her from trying to talk her way out. She started with how improper it was. "And?" It was a serious violation of her space. You laughed. She'd start crying, she would! "Dave's off at 'Murder Island' with Jake and Jade for the weekend. Go ahead." She was running out of excuses, but it was clear she'd rather die (again) then hand that envelope over. Really, she left you know choice.


	4. Chapter 4: Dirk's A Jerk

Chapter Four: Dirk's A Jerk

Of all the low down, underhanded, dirty dealing dogs! The nerve of that guy! Who did he think he was? He sure has got some guts on him, that's for sure!

...

Who are you kidding? You knew he'd resort to it sooner or latter. Why? Why is it always the eyes? Why is it always those gosh darned eyes? You'd almost be able to forgive yourself if it were just the kisses, but no. It's those cursed beautiful eyes of his.


	5. Chapter 5: The Tough (Stupid) Questions

Chapter Five: The ToughStupid Questions

As Jane sulked on the opposite side of the bed, you tore open the envelope and dumped its content out. You didn't like to resort to such tactics to get things out of Jane. You didn't like to, you loved to. (That word again). You picked up two long rectangular pieces of paper. Then, the red dress you were trying not to drool over suddenly made much more sense. You were pretty sure you knew what it was. You had heard about this ridiculous circus display, this ball Her Royal Condescension liked to put on with the higher ups in society. It always made you smile when you recalled all the ways your bro and Roxy's mom supposedly invented the worst excuses imaginable to get out of going. The way they didn't even care if people knew how much they hated her was the best.

Jane was looking at you funny, now. Oh, man. You were smiling at that, weren't you? She probably thought you wanted to go. Of course, if she wanted you to, you probably would say yes, but maybe it's best you didn't tell her the other part. Either way, she was clearly over her tantrum.

"So… The Betty Crocker Annual "Charity" Gala." You bit your lip and hoped she didn't hear the sarcasm in your voice.

"Yeah," she said. She just stared at you and didn't say anything else. It was probably starting to bug you more than it should.

"I take it you're going?" _Of course she is, numbnuts!_

"Yeah." She was starting to emotionally distance herself. You knew how much the company meant to her and it killed you to talk bad about it when she was around. It was a bit of a sore topic between the two of you. But you knew if you didn't say anything, she'd only distance herself further.

"That's… cool," you managed. You mentally punched yourself.

"Yep."

Then it dawned on you. What if she didn't ask you? Jane never was good at speaking up for the things she wanted. You didn't mind, except another thought was slowly creeping up. It had a familiar feeling. The kind of feeling you used to get toward Jane, sometimes, when you were dating Jake. And then the new questions formed.

What if she just went alone? Would she want to dance, and if so, just who the world is she dancing with? Some billionaire's son? Bet he can't even dance... But what if he can? You're overreacting. Jane loves you. She'd never leave you for some smooth talking, pompas, prep schooler, right? _Right?_

But what if he loves Betty Crocker? What if he's as big a fan as Jane? What if they talk all night about what they love about it and start finishing each others sentences and break into song and dance about being soulmates? [Author's Note: Yes, I made a _Frozen_ reference. Get over it.] What if they like other things together?

And then you took it to overload. What if he has a mustache and likes really terrible, non-ironic jokes and detectives and has normal interests that don't involve puppet porn? What if he only liked girls?

You stopped. Was that really a thing to worry about? You never really thought about it. The two of you never really talked about it. Even if Jane never said anything, you couldn't help but feel a little cautious when talking about Jake. It was never a secret between the two of you that you really liked him, that you genuinely loved him. You always felt a little awkward about her feelings toward (and you hate yourself for putting an actual label to it) your being bi. What _were_ her feelings about that? _Would_ she ever leave you for a hetrosexual guy?

She must have sensed something was wrong because you woke out of your train of thought to the warmth of her body crushing into your back. She wrapped her arms around you and began kissing the back of your neck, slowly and deliberately, then began running a hand through your hair. She always knew what to do in situations like these.

"It's okay if you don't want to go with me, Dirk. I understand. Really, I do. You have every right to not want to go." With that, you made up your mind.


	6. Chapter 6: She Sees Things

Chapter Six: She Sees Things

Everyone's eyes were on you as you stepped off the transportalizer. Roxy looked the most nervous. You suppose she thought it wouldn't take that long for you to break. She probably imagined it being this beautiful moment where you would get on one knee, proposal-style, and present him with the ticket. Happily ever after. Done. It only just dawned on you just how long you were gone. Almost two hours. You would have been worried, too.

"Well?" she began. "What happened?"

You didn't say anything, just looked straight ahead. Your lips were trying to find the right words, but they were failing.

"Oh, Janey, I'm so sorry." She rushed you and threw her arms around you. Karkat started to drag out a chair from in the corner. Kanaya and Terezi just passed glances back and forth. Calliope was too passed out. But Rose, Rose just stood there, arms crossed, leaning against the ridiculous wizard's statue in the middle of the room, with this queer expression on her face, like she was holding something back.

You finally found the words you were looking for. "He said... yes."

Everyone just stared in shock. And Rose broke out into laughter in record time. Calliope was still asleep.


	7. Chapter 7: Whipped

**Chapter Seven: Whipped**

You stood outside your bro's room. You had been here for almost an hour. You knew where this was going to go. You knew, but he was the only one you could turn to. The only one who could help you out in a pinch, even if it came with a butt load of ironic jokes at your expense, but that's what bro's were for, right? Helpin' you out and dumpin' on you while doing it.

You knocked once. You only needed to knock once. He knew you were outside, after all. He was just waiting on you to make the first move, to come crawling to him for help. As if he didn't already know what you wanted. As if Roxy didn't tell Jake, who, of course, would tell Jade, who probably couldn't wait to tell Dave everything. Who are you kidding? Roxy probably told Jake, Jade, and Dave in one breath. Save them the hassle of dealing with the middle man. The middle man is as elusive as they come. Has to uphold his Middle Man street cred. Like a noble, yet graceful ninja. The Middle Man is you. Yeah, no, you're just stalling now. Man, you really don't want to deal with this guy.

"Sup?" he asked smugly as he stood in the doorway.

"You know what." It used to be your bro would barely speak to you, like he was afraid you'd take his head off with your katana or something. You kinda secretly missed those days. But they were gone now, and so was that Dave. The Dave in front of you now was just a smug kid who was working an angle he'd had land in his lap like it was Christmas and both your birthdays in one (like you would have), who didn't know when to quit (admittedly like you, too, but mostly like Roxy). You weren't about to walk into this circus production without a little resistance.

"Oh, do I? Huh. Okay then," he said as he began to close the door on you. He was just trying to rile you up, you knew, but it was working.

You sighed and walked into his room just before the lock could click, or at least that's how it would have appeared to anyone else. "Are you gonna help, or what?" His room really wasn't any worse than yours, but it still felt like such a mess in here.

"I really don't think I know what you seem to be implying I should know." Smart alack. But he was _your_ brother, after all, and he didn't get it from Roxy. Okay, so not _most_ of it. Girl had a mouth, and you would be darned if it ever got out that you even _thought_ about taking that from her list of traits, let alone how it may or may not have contributed to her children's "colorful" personalities. There would be one less Dirk in the world. Dave continued, "But if I did know (and I don't), I'd still think I'd want to actually hear you say it."

Okay, you did not need to put up with this. Rose would have been more than okay with helping a bro out. Even if it meant owing her; big time. But then you remembered the last time you asked her for a favor, and the consequences of said I.O.U., how small it seemed at the time and just how big it blew up, for you personally. Dave real was the only one you could turn to without having to put up with any shenanigans of paradox space.

You were glaring at him, now. The tension was pretty tight as the two of you stared each other down for a good minute, Dave in absolute pompous bliss. Practically sittin' on top of Shangri Smug. Then he started mouthing something. Numbers? He was counting down. Did he really expect you to just break down and beg for mercy in the next fifteen seconds? No. No way. He clearly had no idea what he was in for; who he was dealing with. Five. Four. After all, you were _the_ Dirk Stri- three- two-

Your phone alerted you to a new pester message… from Jane.

He just laughed as you read it. "Man, you really are whipped, huh?" Dang. You should have known better than to play chicken with a time player.


	8. Chapter 8: Seamstresses and Chainsaws

**Chapter Eight: Seamstresses And Their Chainsaws**

You were so excited. You couldn't help it, you just had to. It was probably the tenth thank you message you sent him today, not to mention the zillions of messages you sent this week, and last, and the week before that. You mean, he said he'd _go_! You never in a million years thought he would. You were just so prepared for the rejection speech. The "Evil Batterwitch" this and "Betty Crocker" that (you had given up trying to win him over and settled for halfway) and… and he said _yes_!

"Jane, will you stay still!" Kanaya was usually so patient about these things, but you were squirming a bit more than you could have expected anybody to have tolerated.

"I'm sorry. It's just that-"

"He said 'yes'. I _know_. That was the reason the last five times it happened. Do you want me to make this dress for you or don't you?" You really didn't, actually. The one she and Rose had forced you into before was more than appropriate, you thought. That, and you really didn't want her to go through all the trouble, it wasn't really necessary. You said none of this, though. You didn't have to, of course, because you knew it was a rhetorical question, anyway. You had already had this argument several times in the last four hours, and you weren't really up to having it again. Kanaya was _making_ this dress. You were not permitted to be in the company of Mr. Strider, who had already seen that dress on you. It _wasn't._ _Happening_. Kanaya took the red carpet practice of never wearing the same thing twice very seriously. And so did her chainsaw…

She was a very good seamstress, though. You already knew that from the things she made for her and Rose all the time, but you never knew just how _fast_ she was. In the last four hours, she had managed to take the sketch in her book and transform it into the beautiful, though still very plain, dress that was hanging on you now. It would be done before you left to go home, you had no doubt about that.

Then a shiver ran down your back. Home. Where Roxy and Rose waited in the wings to start phase two. This was going to be a very long night. You smiled. He said "yes". This was happening. Dirk was taking you to the Gala tonight. _Dirk_ was taking _you_ to the _Crocker_ Gala. _Tonight_.

"Ow!" Kanaya triumphantly smirked, deliberately sticking you in the thigh with a pin. "Right. Sorry." This went on for another hour or so before she gave up on you and pulled out a dress form. "Wait, then what was the point of all that?" you asked, confused and a little annoyed as you rubbed your freshly pricked leg.

She just sighed and rolled her eyes as she adjusted the form to your measurements.


End file.
